Don't Do It!

If you have just gotten engaged or you are thinking about getting married do not do the following:
1) Don't bother with the whole wedding thing..go to a judge or do a destination wedding
2) If you really want to walk down the aisle..don't have anyone in the wedding. Make it about the two of you. This means: the groom stands with the priest or judge or rabi..and the bride walks down the aisle. Nobody comes before or after you.
3) Don't have too many hands in the pot..the more people who decide to help you pay for the wedding the more ideas/changes/suggestions (that aren't really suggestions..they are demands) that you are going to have.

I would never, ever suggest the full blown wedding..it costs way too much money and it's easily the most frustrating time you'll ever have trying to prepare for approximately 5 hours of your life.

Apologies to all my blog readers

I have a very GOOD excuse for not writing..really! I'm a panicked bride-to-be. I have to admit that I never really understood the panicked bride-to-be syndrome..now I do. I think that I'm defining it actually. You know..the breathing into a bag, head spinning, questioning everything you pack for the honeymoon, annoyed at every vendor, wondering if you are going to trip when walking down the aisle, will I look fat in my wedding dress?..this is what I'm thinking about on a daily basis. Top that off with a stressful new job. Everyone says "Don't worry..you'll be fine...blah blah.." Maybe that's true, but it doesn't feel like it. I'm looking forward to the actual day, but getting there is definitely interesting.

You're only as good as your last blog posting

Sorry I haven't written in awhile..been busy. I have lots to say though! I've been pretty angry lately at what seems like almost everything. Does this mean that I'm overly stressed? I have no clue. This is what I do know..
1) I'm angry at the local nail salon who has men doing nails when they don't know how to do nails. Guess who barely has any nails left? Of course they don't understand why I'm angry..I mean..who need nails??
2)People are rude. Who raises rude people? A pack of wolves?
3) Weddings are stressful. It's very difficult on people who are very detail oriented and don't have a lot time. It's hard to believe that the ceremony and reception are a total of 5 hours long, but you prepare for a year in an advance. The worst part is that the five hours fly by..it's all a blur.
4) Professors/teachers with big egos annoy the $%*@ 0ut of me! They have no idea that we don't have time for their little mind games (whether it's being hit on or trying to trick you on an exam) By the way..I hate questions on exams that can't be answered! They do this delibrately!! Do these profs not have anything better to do?
5) If I'm running on the sidewalk it's not my FAULT if your dog decides to try to bite my ankle! You should be apologizing to me..not the other way around.
6) If you ask to see my engagement ring DO NOT stare at it for 20 mins and then walk away or start onto a new topic..it's rude! Make some kind of comment..acknowledge the fact that you stared at it for 20 mins.
7) Just because I'm a woman does not give you the right to look at me like a piece of meat.
8) I'm tired of bad weather..snow, ice etc..it makes everything more difficult.
9) Last, but not least..if you are sick stay away from me!! I've been sick and still am for the past three weeks. I'm tired of having a sinus infection, stomach bugs, inner ear issues..you name it. Don't come to the gym if your sick, don't come to work if your sick..some people don't have time to be catching your germs.
Do I need an anger management class?? Help!

Workin for the Man every night and day

I'm completely exhausted after completing my first full week at my new job. I've had a little time to recover, but I could use another two days off. Whenever I feel stressed I think think about the vacation we'll be having in about 6 weeks..our honeymoon! I consider it our reward for hanging in there through all the decisions, stupid arguments with family members, and talking to interesting vendors...oh and starting a new job!
S had to work over the weekend in Maryland(the house was empty and felt bigger..I found myself lonely without him)..and got to witness a man pleasuring himself in a hotel bathroom..gross! One night after dinner he and his coworkers were coming back to the hotel and saw that it was roped off due to it being crime scene. I think he was ready to come home..and maybe never go back to Maryland.
He is finally home and we're just relaxing ready the paper and pretending that we don't know what tomorrow is or what it holds...more work! I can't believe it's going to be monday..ugh.
Calgon take me away!

Ready for the Weekend

So it's only tuesday and I'm ready for the weekend. The past two days have been tiring since having started a new job, having class and just not feeling great..trying to recover from a sinus infection.
I have the best side kick a girl could ask for..he takes very good care of me and keeps me laughing even when I'm stressed, tired and worn out. He makes me feel beautiful even when I don't, and makes me excited to get married...

I love our neighborhood

I have to say that I was worried about whether I would like this neighborhood because to me..as an outsider it looked like there wasn't much going on for young people..yes..at 30 I still consider myself young. Before I moved to the Art Museum area..I lived in a hip/happening area of the city. Something was always going on..whether I wanted it to or not. I actually lived on the most beautiful street in Philadelphia. It's not just my opinion, but the opinion of everyone in Philadelphia. The homes are priced so high that you have to have a trust fund to be able to buy one. I rented an apartment because I don't have a trust fund. It was a safe street that you could sit on someone's stairs and read for hours..or just observe the beautiful trees and beautiful homes..and daydream of what it would be like to live in one of them.
Having said that..my life is much richer in many ways now than it ever has been. I have a wonderful partner/soon to be husband, we live in a lovely house that has lots of charm..and great neighbors who happen to be some of our closest friends. I could be walking down the street and run into a neighbor with a new puppy or walking a cross the street and have a friend honk and say "Get in..I'll drive you home and we'll catch up!" Our neighborhood has lots of friendly people, great places to eat within walking distance, and lots of beautiful homes. I couldn't be happier..

A Pew

I have purchased a church pew..yes, a church pew. I saw it and just knew that I wanted it in our home. I didn't purchase with any kind of religious intent..but it has come from a church that was torn down and knowing that it was in a church for many years I know that it has been blessed numerous times and that prayers may have been answered while people sat on it. It feels right that it be in our house..almost feels like it belongs.
I started my new job today..and I will be working closely with a woman who I will call Joan Cusack because she is rather funny..in a rather Joan Cusack way. So..I think that this job will bring lots of laughs, but at the same time lots of challenges. It's a rather small company with lots of innovative ideas..so I look forward to the challenges.

Flipped Out..

Today is friday..I'm supposed to be happy because its the end of a long week. It's also my last day at my current job. I should be really,really happy and I am..except that I had two heavy boxes, a purse and another bag to get home today. I thought..maybe this won't be bad. I'll catch a cab and it will be fine. I ended up walking three city blocks trying to hail a cab..by the time I did I thought I was going to flip out and I did. I need a drink!!

Working Girl

Has anyone ever seen the movie "Working Girl"..it came out in 1988. I sort of feel like I can identify a little bit with this movie..the relationship between the boss and her assistant...along with other things that happened in this movie. The tag line for this movie is "For anyone who's ever won. For anyone who's ever lost. And for everyone who's still in there trying" and combine that with a really good song by Carly Simon called "Let the River Run"..and you've got an instant uplifting moment. Sometimes when I come home after a long day or have a wonderful day where I feel like anything is possible..I'll often sort hum along to this song. It gives the feeling of unity among everyone that has to work for a living (especially women) and are trying to prove themselves in a workforce.
I'm sure you are wondering where all this is coming from..I think it's combination of changing jobs - finally truly feeling wanted/needed by the workforce/making my own mark and giving up my identity as a single woman just trying to make it on my own. Those struggles have really shaped me into who I am: a lover of the underdog, tired of those who underestimate my intelligence, learning to stick up for myself in the workplace, and to learning/determining my own worth.

New Job

I resigned from my job today. I'm about to start a new job in about two weeks and I'm looking forward to it. It's stressful, but my current job is stressful..so not much will really change in that regard. I do think the new job will bring new opportunites and a whole new level of respect that I don't feel like I have right now.
I can't say that 2007 has been boring in the least! New job, New marriage..two very big life altering events. Who knew that 2007 was going to be my year??
I've heard people say things like "I can't remember what life was like before having a child or being married"..and I have to say that I agree. When something comes along that you've been waiting for..well..for a long time..it's like getting one of the last pieces to a very complicated puzzle.

Can't sleep

It's midnight..and I can't sleep. I hate that! I'm so tired..and I just feel like I'm waiting till morning comes cause I've gotten nothin..just hanging out in bed just hoping to fall sleep. I have to admit that I start to close my eyes and a million things start racing through my brain. Why is it that we can't have on and off switches to our brain???
It's been a very stressful past few weeks and it hardly seems fair that when I want to sleep I can't.
Here's why I can't sleep- major deadlines at work, wedding planning, weirdo taxi drivers, exams, no time to get to the gym, and just trying to keep it together...to keep all the balls in the air. Trying to please everyone..and it makes me want to scream. I want to drop all of them, but I can't. I've discovered that I have a type A personality. I never thought I'd be that person, but I think I am. I wish I could just not care. I would sleep better, right?
I can't help but think about my friend K when I'm having these moments of "will this ever end?" I don't want to know the answer...

Commercial

Ok..am I the only one who loves that tv commercial with Ellen working with animals? I guess it's because I really do adore animals..almost all animals. I can't resist petting a dog or cat..whether I'm familar with the animal or not. We could be walking down the street and see a person walking a dog and I'll want to pet it and give it lots of attention. Some people only like certain dogs..but I love all dogs. I think they all have different personalities and are all cute in their own way.
I think that once I'm retired I'll just be a dog walker..

Lucky Girl

It's been a very interesting weekend. Friday night I had to work late due to some major deadlines at work. I managed to leave work at around 7pm and catch a cab home. I got into the cab and was looking forward to going home and just relaxing..and go to bed early. So the cab drive was quite interested in talking and because I'm such a nice person..I let him talk and contribute to what seemed like a rather innocent conversation. (I've been living in the city for three years now and it's not uncommon to shoot the sh*t/chat with the cab drive..not like there is anything else to do while in a cab) We talked about random stuff like Prince Charles visiting Philadelphia and how a lot of roads were closing etc. So we finally get to my stop and I give him a twenty and ask for change. Usually the cab driver gives you the change rather quickly and they are on their way to pick someone else up..well..he started writing something down. I had no idea what he was writing, but he wasn't giving me my change right away. I thought it was odd, but I had no real reason to think that anything was wrong..until he gave me a piece of paper with his name and phone number on it and said he is "looking for new friends and that it's hard to find good friends"..and I thought whoa..what the Bleep is going on here..and then he asked if he could have my phone number to "keep in touch" with me. Of course I said no..and got out of the cab. He waited in his car to see which house I was going to so I kept walking till I could get into a store. After I came out of the store he was gone. I went home feeling very freaked out and just threw away his number. The next morning I went to go for some coffee and found him walking around in our neighborhood looking for me. I don't think he saw me, but I saw him..and I was really, really freaked out. I filed a police report right after I saw him in my neighborhood. I was upset all day while preparing for my Bachlorette party.
Yes..I had my Bachlorette party on Sat night and it was awesome. I wish every Sat night could be that much fun. It helped take my mind off of all the stressful stuff..work, class, wedding planning etc. It was exactly what I needed. I'm going to try to post some pictures from it as soon as I can. It made me realize that I really do have great friends that I can count on. Not only for the good times, but also to get me through the bad ones..
One person was missing..my friend K from my ungrad days at Delaware. I wish you could have been there, but I'm so glad that you are able to come to the wedding. It means so much to me!

Exhausted

What can I say..I'm cooked. I have nothing left..just so tired. It was just an draining week full of deadlines. I can't say that next week is going to be any better either. Is there any way to prepare for a stressful week?
I hate having less time to go to the gym, time for myself, time to study for an exam..just not enough time.
It's friday night and only around 8:30pm..and I just wanna go to bed. :(

Under Pressure

This song sums up how I feel today..and for the past couple of weeks:

"Under Pressure"[Originally by David Bowie/Queen]
Pressure!
Pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure
That burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets
Bah bah dah bah bah dah
(Yeah) (Yeah)

That's okay!
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Scream "Let me out!"
Pray tomorrow takes me higher
Pressure on people
People on streets

Bah bah dah bah bah dah
Okay!

Chippin' around
Kick my brains round the floor
These are the days
It never rains but it pours
Bah bah dah bah bah dah
People on streets
bah dah dee da day
People on streets
bah dah dee dah dee dah dee dah dee dah

It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Scream "Let me out!"
Pray tomorrow takes me higher (higher)
Yeah!
Turned away from it all
Like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work
Keep coming up with love
But it's so slashed and torn

Why? Why? Why?
Love(love)! Love(love)! Love(love)!

Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance?
Why can't we give love that one more chance?
Why can't we give love give love give love?
Give love give love give love give love give love?

Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care
For the people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our ways
Of caring about ourselves

This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves under pressure

Under pressure
Under pressure

Cancer

Ok..before anyone gets upset..no I don't have cancer. I'm simply writing about it because whenever someone tells me that a friend or relative died and I ask "How did they die or were they sick?" 9 times out of 10 they tell me it was cancer. They say it so naturally too. It's becoming too common. Way too common..so common that it freaks me out. I don't generally have a fear of getting sick, but I do have a fear of cancer. Maybe people say or use the word cancer so easily..so off the cuff..because they have never watched someone die of cancer. I have. It was someone very, very close to me. Cancer shows no mercy. It's a disgusting what it does to someones insides and you don't die with dignity or grace..nothing like that. It's a fight till the finish. You don't even recognize that person anymore. I remember getting so angry that I wanted to just rip the cancer out of her.
You never see it coming (unless maybe you were a smoker or drinker). There isn't any real reason that it occurs..I mean..where the #*$*% does breast cancer come from? Some say it's genetic, but sometimes it's not..it's all a guessing game.
Big pharma wants us to believe that that the cancer rates are going down..I don't believe it for a second.

Lazy Day

Today was a very laid back day. It was perfect..and just what I needed. I have to admit that I've been pretty stressed out lately. Between school, wedding planning (everyone wants something different and it can become very stressful), and work..all of it equals a meltdown.
I woke up late, went for coffee at the local coffee shop and enjoyed the day. It was very cold out, but it was so nice not to have an agenda for the day or to consider what anyone else wanted or if anyone needed anything from me. In fact, I think I had one real adult conversation all day and I loved it. No deadlines, nobody asking for me to finish something or start something..it was all about me. I did have cramps today due to that time of the month, but it was so much easier to deal with today.
Now tomorrow will be back to reality..

College days

I was just thinking about my college days..not my current grad school days..my undergrad days at Delaware. I remember the beauty of the campus and the way it felt every spring. Spring was always my favorite time. Everyone would be outside studying, hanging out, playing frisbee..and sometimes there would be outdoor concerts. It was like a midsummer night's dream..just so peaceful, but lots of energy in the air. Windows were open..and a refreshing breeze would come into the dorm rooms. Almost everyone was happy and optimistic..it was hard not to be.
Now..they are trying to build more and more buildings..and it's crowding the campus. Students can't just hang out on "the mall" as we called it because there is little to no room. I'm glad I was there before all of this started to happen.

Happy Friday!

I made it!! I'm both shocked and relieved. It's been a long week. What's up with 5 days in a row of work? I think wed should be a day off for everyone..it's obviously the worst day. It's mid week syndrome..not close to the end of week, but not quite the beginning of the week..it's like your in limbo.

Anyway..S has off today so we're going to go to lunch even though I'm preparing for a weekend full of eating. We have our menu tasting on Sat night. We're going to be trying at least ten different things..sounds like fun until you think about all the calories..ugh.
Why can't I have a metabolism that is super, super fast and burns lots of calories..nope..instead I have super slow one. If I even look at food I gain weight. So unfair!

Ok..now everyone do the dance of joy..it's friday!!

Sick Again?

Ok..so a couple of weeks ago I had a really bad cold. I used every box of tissue, took off from work, stayed in bed, and generally felt horrible. I feel it making its way back..again.
I'm feeling kind of exhausted, run down, tired, and unmotivated. The first couple of days of 2007 I was bouncing around with tons of energy..and now..I got nothing.
I swear that people are bringing germs into the gym, into work and school..yes, I know germs are everywhere. I'm talking about the cold germs..the evil ones.
Of course S never gets sick. Even when I had that horrible cold he got nothing. I think he's the healthiest person I know.
The thing is..I don't have time to get sick. I have 14 weeks until I get married so that means there is still plenty to do..and it requires me to make appearances at a Bachelorette party, a shower, mail out invites, menu tasting, gown fitting, trial hair and make up etc..you get the picture.
So keep your fingers crossed that this doesn't become a full blown cold...ugh

20,000 More Troops?

Bush is going to announce on wed. that he wants to send 20,000 more troops..what's up with that?? I'm tired of hearing how our troops are dying, getting seriously injured or the fact that they have been over there for years without seeing their families. The whole thing makes me sick. What has the US turned into?

I need a vacation

It's been almost a year since my last vacation. Some people consider a three day weekend a vacation..I don't. I think a vacation is considered to be at least a week off of work. My last vacation was in Puerto Rico. I was really nice except for the fact that I was recovering from having my appendix removed. It was tough to walk so they had to have a wheelchair at the airport for me (very embarassing), but I learned very quickly that handicap people get stared at a lot. Some people look at you like "Are you dying?" "Where's your cast?" "Does that young girl have cancer?"..and of course you have children that stare at you the most. They look at you like their afraid. It makes you want to melt into the floor.
Anyway..my honeymoon will be my next vacation. Hopefully there won't be any last minute surgeries or illnesses. I don't even want a hangover..I want to enjoy every single minute of 10 nights in Greece with my new husband. Is it April yet??

Our Vows

Tick, Tick, Tick..do you hear it? Nope..it's not my biological clock ticking..it's the wedding clock. We're getting closer and as my boss said "Have you started the countdown yet?" It has started and we're currently at approximately 14 weeks away. OH MY GOSH!
So..S put together our wedding ceremony and it's lovely. In order to hear it you'll have to come to our wedding. We both wrote our own vows.
There are all of these promises, and "I vow to..." It's a lot to think about..and I sort of think that when you get engaged you are already promising all of the same things and the ring shows that to the world.
So here is a question for those of you who are already married.."In looking back on your on vows/promises..have you kept your promises? and what promises did you make?

Fitting into a very important dress..

We all have those days where the jeans don't fit as well as they should. We get a little bit down about it and then vow to eat better or eat less and then get to the gym more often to get rid of the extra weight we've gained.
Well..what's up with all of these wedding dress fittings? Talk about pressure! Usually it works like this: you get really excited..this is your wedding dress after all and so you start shopping and trying on dresses. You get to the shop and find out very quickly that almost all of the dresses are very heavy and you need certain undergarments to be put on before you even try on the dress. You think..ok..I can do that. You put the undergarments on and then you think..ok..let's try on the first dress. You then quickly find out that there is no privacy in trying the dress on because you can't get it on without someone's help. The lady who works there comes into the dressing room with the dress that you love with you just in your undergarments and then tells you to put your hands in the air while she lifts this dress over your head (huffing and puffing because it's heavy and this isn't the first dress she's lifted today..and because she is working on commission and knows you will be trying on at least another eight dresses and might leave without a dress all together which will leave her tired and without a commission). So the first dress is on..and now she puts on a veil. You stare at yourself in the mirror..your mother (if she comes along) stares at you, then the lady who works there stares at you..then the words "How does it fit?" come from both of them. You determine whether you can breath or not, or if it's too big and then you look at the price tag and nearly fall over from the heaviness of the dress and because all of the oxygen has left your brain..the price tag says a rather large number. Chances are..you've never seen a number that big attached to a dress. The "I'm a princess" feeling lasts all of 5 seconds. You go home without a dress feeling very tired..like you want to sleep for hours and hours.
A month or two later..you find the dress. You've worked hard for this..and you finally found the one. You know..the one that makes you feel like a princess for more than five seconds, the one that you hope will make him cry as you walk down the aisle and of course the one you can afford.
You are super excited until you hear the ugly word "fittings"..plural. Not just one, but sometimes two or three. The tailor wants dates for when you can come in to have the dress altered..meaning don't eat and go to the gym constantly at least a month before the first fitting.
So here I am..a little less than a month before my first scary fitting where they take away an extra inch of breathing room..and your sucking in your stomach already.
AHHHHHHH! I need to get rid of those holiday pounds asap! I'm thinking about having my jaw wired shut.

In my next life

In my next life I would like to be a man. I think most women would agree that being a man is a lot easier than being a woman. I'm sure that many men would disagree..until they saw what they are missing out on (not much!) Here are my reasons:

1) men don't have to give birth. I'm not even talking about the pain of giving birth..I'm talking about the weight gain, the emotional roller coaster, the back pain, the sick to your stomach - morning, noon and night, constantly being hungry, exhausted, not being able to take any medications if you happen to get sick while you are pregnant - you just suffer through it, you have a big stomach so you can't even bend over to tie your shoes, your feet swell..and then just when you think it's over because you've had the baby..you then need to lose the weight you gained, still aren't getting enough sleep, don't have time to excercise, no time to yourself..the list goes on and on

2) Fair pay? Yeah..right. Men almost always make more than women..yet, women require more items(make-up, personal items etc)

3) Men get more respect in the board room

4) Have you heard of a woman president yet?

5) Women aren't as strong as women so when we're attacked it's hard to fight back.

6) Men can lose weight much more quickly than women..and don't pack the pounds on as quickly either. They can pretty much eat whatever they want..and sadly enough..women will still accept them, date them and marry them. If a woman gains weight..lower chance at marriage, dating, success in the work place and made fun of..good times.

7) If a woman happens to be even remotely good looking or has a nice figure..watch out..you'll get whistles, comments, and stares by men even when you don't them. If you tell them to stop..you look like a b*tch. Why wouldn't we want to be treated like a piece of meat?

8) Periods. Every month from age 12/13 until mid to late 50's. Talk about ruining at least 5 days out of every month. Men - no, we never get used to the pain, cramps, food cravings, water weight, emotional roller coasters, and headaches.

I've been a witness to...

I was just talking to a friend at work about how Christmas and the holidays in general make you think about the past and the future. The good, bad and the ugly. So it got me thinking about things I've witnessed throughout my life and well..I think it's been more than the average person, but I could be wrong..anyway..here are some of them:
1) when I was 17 I watched a woman give up her newborn for adoption. I was the one to bring the baby into her hospital room for her to memorize her face. It was her second child that she was giving up..yes..she gave up her first child for adoption to a lovely couple. It was a little boy and now she was giving up her little girl. Her boyfriend wouldn't let her keep them even though she wanted to. She was very lucky that the couple who had her little boy agreed to take her little girl..even though they really didn't want a second child. I watched as the tears ran down her face..and well I didn't know what to say. I asked her if she wanted to hold the baby one last time and she said no because it would only make it worse. I stood there with her..bearing witness to her last moments with her child.

2) when I was about 20 I went to N. Ireland to work in a children's summer camp for Catholic and Protestant children (ages 5-8). It was to assist children that were affected by "The Troubles." It was to help them recognize that while every child is unique and different they still have the same needs and wants. The idea of the camp was to have catholic children play with protestant children to see that there are really no major differences and to grow up not hating. While I was there I witnessed many army tanks with guns pointing at everyone including myself. It was basically to keep order through fear. Everyone feared that one person would cause trouble leading to a massive amount of shooting from these tanks. Every single day for about a month and a half I lived in fear of what could potentially happen. Anyone who understands "The Troubles" knows about Bloody Sunday, but what they might not understand is that every single day has the potential to be bloody.

The Start of 2007

Today is only the second day of 2007..how does everyone feel? I have to say that my energy level has been up for some reason..don't know why. I'm usually the person that comes home after work or the gym feeling like a slug with no energy, but today watch out..I'm wide awake.

I'm also rather optimistic today and have a positive outlook..is this due to the idea of a fresh start? A chance to start over and get things right? I'm not sure, but I'll take it. There is one person that I hope or wish would feel the same way. It's been over a year and half since we parted ways, but he won't try to start over. He keeps living in the past and hoping for some kind of chance that will he will never be given again. I gave him many chances and in looking back..prob. too many. My wish for 2007 is for him to move on and allow himself to find happiness without me.